Is Sex Sacred? (Read)

What a topic! Well let’s start by defining what I mean by sacred. Sacred means something that is special, important, worthy of respect, pure … not a toy or something to be taken lightly. No, I’m not going to get all preachy or religious on you, but some of what I say is inspired by a theological seminar I attended on the weekend about just this topic. I went partly because I was curious and partly because I knew the organizer. Although I didn’t agree with a lot of it, I did find it quite informative and it gave me a lot of food for thought. So like I said, I won’t be talking in religious terms, but, there might be some theological undertones.

In general however, most major religions do consider sex a sacred thing between two people, typically married people. I won’t get into details, but pre-marital sex is generally forbidden. This also translates to cultural taboos as well. Things are slowly changing on the cultural fronts, however, there hasn’t been a shift in thought on the religious front. Sex has always been a holy and sacred thing not to be used as a “toy” (even though in practice it was and still is a different story). Essentially, sexual behavior is directly related to the morality of the individual. Makes sense, morality is what guides our actions (whether we are moral individuals or not). If you want to read more about each religion and their beliefs this is a pretty good source Religion and Sexuality.

 

In the latest issue of Psychology Today, their cover article 12 Rude Revelations About Sex (which is definitely worth a read) had this to say about what religions know about sex that we don’t:

“Only religions still take sex seriously, in the sense of properly respecting its power to turn us away from our priorities. Only religions see it as something potentially dangerous and needing to be guarded against. Perhaps only after killing many hours online at youporn.com can we appreciate that on this one point religions have got it right: Sex and sexual images can overwhelm our higher rational faculties with depressing ease. Religions are often mocked for being prudish, but they wouldn’t judge sex to be quite so bad if they didn’t also understand that it could be rather wonderful.”

According to religion, is sex sacred? Yes it is. OK religious stuff done. Let’s get to the real talk …

Is Sex Sacred?

What a loaded question!! Well, not really. Let’s put religion aside for a moment and think of sacred as something special and significant. So put that way, would you say that sex should be something that is special and significant? I would say a big YES. Why? Well, I’ll tell you. Sex has lost its special nature. I truly believe that in this culture of casual, unemotional sex, hook ups and booty calls, sex has lost its importance. So many people are getting hurt because sex is being misused. This isn’t an argument for or against pre-marital sex, it’s an argument to make sex special again. If it’s two consenting adults it doesn’t really matter, or does it? Well, I think it does, particularly since a lot of people are getting hurt because of it. Let me explain.

 In the search for intimacy and closeness, we tend to reach out to others in different ways. The desire for closeness with others is part of our humanity. Nothing at all wrong with that. Where it becomes a problem is when people use sex in a non-committal way to get close to other people because they don’t feel fulfilled. The thing is, these casual encounters, instead of fulfilling their need for intimacy, typically make them feel more alone and, in many cases, used. The emptiness remains and it’s joined by feelings of regret and sometimes guilt. This is the reality that many men and women face. I know this because I’ve spoken to many people who have had this experience, and, let’s face it, we’ve ALL been there. Some people are truly capable of having unemotional, purely physical sex, but most people aren’t. This is the reality of the current dating climate.  I’ve asked you before … who’s in control? You or your sex drive?

Food For Thought

I’m not here to judge or make anyone feel bad. I’m a bit on the fence too. Just wanted to put it out there as a thought. What if we restricted our sex lives to committed relationships? Could we avoid a lot of hurt and feeling used? What if we didn’t have sex on the first date? What if we didn’t answer that booty call? What if we made sex with our partners special? What if sex was about making that connection with someone even deeper? What if sex was about our partner’s pleasure and happiness before our own? What if sex was uniting two human beings into one? What if infidelity wasn’t an issue because sex was sacred? Is anyone ready to make a 180 degree turn back to making sex sacred again? Because isn’t the best sex that which you have with someone you truly care about, maybe even love? Food for thought.

Would love your thoughts and discussion in the comments!