You’ve tried crunching baseball stats. You've mentally replayed your
last round of golf. You've outlined the steps to making your favorite
sandwich. But the more you try to slow yourself down during s*x, the
faster you finish—and you’re not alone.
“Premature ejaculation is a problem that affects almost every man at
some point in his life,” says Thomas J. Walsh, M.D., a urologist at the
University of Washington.
Dr. Walsh says there are primarily two methods of dealing with your
speed issues: physical and psychological treatments. While physical
remedies target the sensations you feel during s*x, psychological
solutions address your worry, stress, or other mental factors that may
explain your quick trigger, Dr. Walsh explains.
Here, he and other experts break down a few of the most helpful
techniques for dealing with premature ejaculation (PE). But be warned:
Dr. Walsh recommends trying these out on your own before attempting them
during s*x.
1. Biofeedback
In general terms, this refers to the idea that you can regulate your
own neurophysiology—or the way your body responds to physical
sensations, Dr. Walsh explains. While there are a lot of different types
of biofeedback, he says one of the most common for treating PE is to
bring yourself right to the edge of orgasm before stopping all sexual or
masturbatory activity until you have your excitement under control.
Also known as “edging,” practicing this technique can help you teach
your brain and body to better control your orgasm response, adds sex
therapist Emily Morse, Ph.D. Just be sure to use a lot of lotion or lube
while you practice edging to avoid chaffing yourself, she advises.
2. The Squeeze
If you can feel your orgasm coming on, stop and squeeze right below
the head of your penis. Apply firm pressure with your thumb and
forefinger and focus the pressure on the urethra—the tube running along
the underside of the penis, advises Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a sex therapist
and author of
She Comes First. The squeeze technique pushes
blood out of the penis and momentarily decreases sexual tension, which
represses the ejaculatory response, Kerner says. “This is another type
of biofeedback, similar to edging.” Dr. Walsh adds.
3. Ladies First
When you help her finish first—whether with your mouth, your fingers,
or a toy—knowing she’s enjoyed an orgasm may relieve some of the
pressure you’re feeling, Kerner says.
4. De-Sensitizers
Like the stuff dentists slather on your gums before jamming in the
needle, there are topical sprays called “local anesthetics” that you can
apply to your penis to lessen the sensation and keep control, Dr. Walsh
says. “When used properly, you can adjust the amount of desensitization
with these sprays, and it won’t transfer to your partner,” he adds. He
says some of his patients have had luck with a product called
Promescent.
(Dr. Walsh is in no way affiliated with the company that makes this
product.) But be warned: The lack of sensation could make it difficult
for you to stay erect, he says.
5. Condom Control
Most major condom manufacturers make extra-thick rubbers that act
like a slip-on desensitizer for your member, Morse says. Look for
marketing lingo like “extended pleasure” (from Trojan) or “performax”
(Durex), which are fancy terms for this thicker style of condom.
6. Pills
Plenty of men pop a pill to become erect. And in Europe, there are
also legal drugs that can help you last longer in bed, Dr. Walsh says.
The problem: The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) hasn’t approved
those drugs to treat PE in the U.S. Why? “Even though trials show these
drugs genuinely benefitted men with premature ejaculation, the FDA sets a
very high bar for drugs used to treat non-life threatening conditions,”
Dr. Walsh explains. While you could take these drugs for “off-label”
uses like the treatment of PE, most of these meds are antidepressants
that could lead to mood changes or other side effects—meaning they
shouldn’t be used unless your performance problem is seriously affecting
your life, Dr. Walsh says. He advises talking to your doctor to discuss
this option.
7. Ask an Expert
If you feel like you’ve tried everything without success, it may be
time to discuss your problem with a sexual dysfunction specialist, Dr.
Walsh says. “A lot of the treatments we’ve already discussed—edging and
biofeedback—are pretty challenging techniques that a specialist can help
you use effectively.” He recommends asking your doctor for a referral
to a urologist, who can either treat you himself or refer you to the
right person for your problem. “He or she will help you approach this
practically and pragmatically,” Dr. Walsh says, adding, “It’s not about
getting in touch with your inner self. It’s about learning the physical
or mental mechanisms that can help you avoid PE.”
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