LOL!!!! HOW TO SECRETLY POO AT YOUR GUY’S HOUSE - This post is exclusive to girls only.

You’re a woman—have some class. And as much of a double standard as it is, he’ll be turned off by it. Never let your guy know you poo. Give him the impression that when your body needs to undergo metabolism, you vomit out your waste through the mouth or an angel visits you every night to empty your bowels....Lol, if your boyfriend uses a pit latrine, bucket style or bush method…

Continue


Rules to follow:
There are two major factors to consider which are sound and smell. Our nose and ears functions in a mutually exclusive way. That’s why there’s need to turn down the volume of your car stereo when you are trying to locate a mixed up street address. That’s why its more dangerous to release a silent fart during a catholic mass service than it is to fart at a club.

SOUND
This section is for when the smell is not a factor, but the sound is. For example, you know he wont be going into the bathroom soon (perhaps because he already went) but the walls are paper thin. If you’re at his place in the morning or evening, you can turn on the faucets, and showers, then pretend you’re brushing your teeth vigorously to mask the sound of your plopping. If he asks you why there’s so much noise in there, tell him running water calms your nerves.
If appropriate, the best thing is to tell him you are going to take a quick shower. This is great because he thinks you are doing it as “prep” for “wowie time.”

However, beware of two things:
1. The smell will be worse in a humid environment so use cold water.
2. Do a super fast wash-up afterwards because of the whole aforementioned “wowie time” thing he may be expecting.
Flush as you plop. That’s pretty self explanatory. If its not going to be super weird for you to flush four or five times, then time your plops to the same time as the loud flushing noise.
Beware: TIME PROPERLY!
The loud part of the flush is not for a few seconds after you’ve pushed the lever.
Put some toilet paper into the toilet before you begin.
This absorbs the poop and thus prevents that telling back splash noise. Beware, it will smell worse if you use this method because the specimen is not submerged fully into the water.
Extra Tip: Turn on the radio to the maximum volume or slot in one of those TerryG’s loud cds when your bowel starts giving you signs. Before you leave him in the bedroom or sitting room, tell him you absolutely love the TerryG’s song playing. Then after two minutes of dancing or singing along loud, excuse yourself. Chances are, he’ll leave the radio up until you come back.
SMELL


Smell is a tougher thing to conceal. At times it gets so bad his nose won’t only be traumatized. He might start hearing the smell of the poop. I’m sure you wouldn’t let it get to that cos you are a princess and barbies don’t poop! But if it happens, smell is all you need to worry about when the area he is sitting is far from the bathroom and the sound wont carry. If this is the case, here are a few tips:
Before you get in there, pre warn him by giving him signs like

“Boo, are you perceiving that awful smell from your bathroom area? Let me go check it out.”
“Boo, let’s play hide and seek. I pick the toilet to hide.”
“Boo, is someone working on the drainage outside?”
“Boo, what’s that smell? Did a rat die in here?”

Lock the door!
Do your deeds as FAST as you can!
Use the bathroom spray or, insecticide. Tell him you are helping to disinfect his bathroom if he asks.
BEFORE you drop one AND after. Most people wait until after. Do not make this mistake. Crack a window or light a match (I usually move around with a matchstick). These are both “tell tale poop smell” concealers.
If possible, don’t walk out of the bathroom till the smell goes out except you are walking out with a lawyer. LoL
That way, the smell has a chance to dissipate by the time he needs to go in there again.
If multiple flushes aren’t a problem, take advantage.
The less time poop is sitting in the toilet, the less chance is has to stink up the room.

If all else fails, accept that he will know you pooped. As unattractive as it might be, all mature men know that all humans poop. If he makes fun of you or sues you for a smelly poop , tell him to grow up. If he won’t grow up, he’s not mature enough for a relationship so its okay to break-up cos of a natural process like pooping.

NSG

Texas Officials Say 80 People May Have Been Exposed To Ebola Patient

The Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital in Dallas, where a patient is showing signs of the Ebola virus.

According to Reuters - As many as 80 people were in contact with the Dallas Ebola patient at some point, Texas health officials told NBC, marking a significant jump from the 18 people authorities had said may have been exposed to the deadly virus.

Additionally, four members of the patient's family have been ordered to stay home as a precaution even though they are not showing symptoms, the Texas Department of State Health Services said in a statement.
The health officials said 80 people may have come into contact with Duncan, NBC reported. Earlier, they had put the figure at up to 18, including five children.
State officials delivered the order on Wednesday night to the family of the patient, who has been identified as Thomas Eric Duncan of Liberia. Family members must stay home until Oct. 19 and not have any visitors without approval, officials said.
"We have tried and true protocols to protect the public and stop the spread of this disease," said Dr. David Lakey, Texas health commissioner. "This order gives us the ability to monitor the situation in the most meticulous way."
The first person to be diagnosed with Ebola in the United States, Duncan was admitted to Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital on Sunday after hospital workers mistakenly sent him home days earlier.
His case has sparked concern over the potential for a wider spread of the deadly virus from West Africa, where at least 3,338 people have died in the worst outbreak on record.

Rob Kardashian Jokes About Sister's Butt, Khloe Kardashian Touts "Incest" as the "Best"

A few months after Rob ditched the Kim Kardashian-Kanye West wedding at the last second, going dark on social media and cutting off most contact with his family, the reality star Tweeted a picture yesterday of sister Khloe Kardashian and her rear end, writing as a caption: "#WCW @khloekardashian shneeeeee meeeee claaaaaa."
WCW stands for "Women Crush Wednesday," while the other letters... who the heck knows what they mean?
Khloe then shared Rob’s message on Instagram and joked along with it: “Totally a normal brother/sister relationship. Incest is best!!! #HeyBooHey."

Rob and Khloe have always had a special bond.
Back in June, while Rob was going through an especially dark phase due to his ballooning weight, Khloe posted a throwback photo of the siblings and wrote that she missed her best friend.
The two are clearly back in contact and doing just fine now, though we really hope E! doesn't add an incest storyline to Keeping Up with the Kardashians in order to boost ratings.

We're also afraid to see what Rob has to say about those new Kim Kardashian nude photos.

We guess Rob Kardashian is getting along well with his siblings once again.
Perhaps a little too well, however.

The Kardashians

MEET the Boy who Sheds his Skin like a Snake [Photos]

Photographer Nurcholis Anhari Lubis, 35, has documented the little boy’s condition as part of an essay project and describes the boy's skin condition as ‘scaly like a snake about to shed his skin’. Mr Lubis told Daily Mail Australia:

‘It’s really sad because he was not born normally and has scaly skin all over his body, similar to being severely burnt, from the sole of his feet up to his head. If the boy doesn't moisturise or soak his skin in water, his body would shrivel and harden up like a sculpture and he won't be able to move. If he leaves it unattended for too long, he won’t be able to speak because the wrinkles inside his mouth would go hard and it would dry out all his blood in his body.'

Mr Lubis said Ari's family were told by doctors at the hospital where he was born that it did not have the resources to treat the condition, and asked them to take the infant away. He and his family now live by a routine of constant washing and dressing his skin with creams. Still, the boy is trying to live a normal life in his village. Mr Lubis continued:

'He eats normal food like everyone else and his favourite snacks are instant noodles and crackers. He had trouble making friends when he was younger and would often go and play with the other kids but most of the time, they would avoid him because he is different to everyone else.'

Ari is taking lessons, but is forced to study alone because of ignorance about his condition in the community.

‘No schools are willing to accept him because they fear his skin condition would be contagious to teachers and other students,' Mr Lubis said.

Ari also suffers prejudice because of superstitions in his village. Mr Lubis said many people blame Ari's condition on a superstition that if a woman mistreats animals while she is pregnant then it will affect her unborn child. Some people believe Ari's mother ‘tortured a lizard’ she found in the family home when she was pregnant with Ari. Ari has trouble talking because of the condition and the vision in his right eye is impaired, while the left must be kept moist with constant drops.

Hilarious: See Eniola Badmus Backing Davido like a Baby.

Lol!!! They are really having fun here.
One word for them!

See Why Police Arrested 2 Dogs in Lagos

The Lagos State Police Command has arrested two dogs for attacking three siblings and the owner of the dogs for granting them uncontrolled freedom.

One of the victims was said to have been injured on the skull by the dogs, according to report from the Punch.

It was gathered that the dogs and their owner, identified simply as Jegede, were arrested by policemen from the Igando Police Station.

It was learnt that the three victims bitten by the rampaging dogs were children of Jegede's tenant identified as Mr. Abraham Odia. The incident occurred in the house both parties were staying at Adegboyega Street, Akesan, Igando, Lagos. 

It was learnt that the dogs were brought newly to the area, adding that Jegede, who was the house caretaker, had not given them the necessary vacines.

She said,

"The incident happened last Thursday afternoon at about 5pm. The dogs were supposed to be chained, but I think they broke loose. The children's parents were not at home, and the kids had been playing in the compound.

"Suddenly, we began to hear shrilled noises of children and the dogs barking violently. When we went near, we found out that the dogs had pounced on the three of them. The youngest child sustained serious injuries on the skull.

"I think the dogs had yet to be given the needed drugs because they were new in the house. The child was bleeding all over the body. Some of us had to call the parents and also involve the police because no one could move near the wild pets."

It was further learnt that the bitten child, a four-year-old boy whose name was given as Isaac, was initially rushed to the General Hospital, Igando before he was referred to the Lagos State University Teaching Hospital, Ikeja for treatment after the assault.

While Isaac sustained injuries on the skull from the bites, his two elder siblings, whose names had yet to be ascertained, sustained injuries on the arms and legs.

The Lagos State Police Public Relations Officer, DSP Kenneth Nwosu, while confirming the arrest to PUNCH Metro,said the police had also taken the dogs for medical examination, to know whether they have rabies (a fatal dog's infection) or not.
He said,

"The incident was reported to the Igando Police Station, and the arrest was made. The dogs were to be taken by the police for medical examination to be sure they were not rabies infected. Meanwhile, the victims have also been taken to a hospital, and they are being treated at the moment."

At the Critical Care Unit of the LASUTH, where Isaac was rushed to on Wednesday afternoon, the father, Mr. Abraham, was said to have gone on an errand.
However, one of the nurses told said that the child might have been moved to the Surgical Emergency Section of the hospital for a more comprehensive treatment. -

The Lagos State Police Command has arrested two dogs for attacking three siblings and the owner of the dogs for granting them uncontrolled freedom.

One of the victims was said to have been injured on the skull by the dogs, according to report from the Punch.
It was gathered that the dogs and their owner, identified simply as Jegede, were arrested by policemen from the Igando Police Station.

It was learnt that the three victims bitten by the rampaging dogs were children of Jegede's tenant identified as Mr. Abraham Odia. The incident occurred in the house both parties were staying at Adegboyega Street, Akesan, Igando, Lagos.
It was learnt that the dogs were brought newly to the area, adding that Jegede, who was the house caretaker, had not given them the necessary drugs.

She said,

"The incident happened last Thursday afternoon at about 5pm. The dogs were supposed to be chained, but I think they broke loose. The children's parents were not at home, and the kids had been playing in the compound.

"Suddenly, we began to hear shrilled noises of children and the dogs barking violently. When we went near, we found out that the dogs had pounced on the three of them. The youngest child sustained serious injuries on the skull.

"I think the dogs had yet to be given the needed drugs because they were new in the house. The child was bleeding all over the body. Some of us had to call the parents and also involve the police because no one could move near the wild pets."

It was further learnt that the bitten child, a four-year-old boy whose name was given as Isaac, was initially rushed to the General Hospital, Igando before he was referred to the Lagos State University Teaching Hospital, Ikeja for treatment after the assault.

While Isaac sustained injuries on the skull from the bites, his two elder siblings, whose names had yet to be ascertained, sustained injuries on the arms and legs.

The Lagos State Police Public Relations Officer, DSP Kenneth Nwosu, while confirming the arrest to PUNCH Metro,said the police had also taken the dogs for medical examination, to know whether they have rabies (a fatal dog's infection) or not.
He said,

"The incident was reported to the Igando Police Station, and the arrest was made. The dogs were to be taken by the police for medical examination to be sure they were not rabies infected. Meanwhile, the victims have also been taken to a hospital, and they are being treated at the moment."

At the Critical Care Unit of the LASUTH, where Isaac was rushed to on Wednesday afternoon, the father, Mr. Abraham, was said to have gone on an errand.
However, one of the nurses told said that the child might have been moved to the Surgical Emergency Section of the hospital for a more comprehensive treatment. - See more at: http://www.definitelykingsley.com/2014/10/police-arrest-2-dogs-in-lagos-for.html#sthash.sHGTXHRO.dpufThe Lagos State Police Command has arrested two dogs for attacking three siblings and the owner of the dogs for granting them uncontrolled freedom.

One of the victims was said to have been injured on the skull by the dogs, according to report from the Punch.
It was gathered that the dogs and their owner, identified simply as Jegede, were arrested by policemen from the Igando Police Station.

It was learnt that the three victims bitten by the rampaging dogs were children of Jegede's tenant identified as Mr. Abraham Odia. The incident occurred in the house both parties were staying at Adegboyega Street, Akesan, Igando, Lagos.
It was learnt that the dogs were brought newly to the area, adding that Jegede, who was the house caretaker, had not given them the necessary drugs.

She said,

"The incident happened last Thursday afternoon at about 5pm. The dogs were supposed to be chained, but I think they broke loose. The children's parents were not at home, and the kids had been playing in the compound.

"Suddenly, we began to hear shrilled noises of children and the dogs barking violently. When we went near, we found out that the dogs had pounced on the three of them. The youngest child sustained serious injuries on the skull.

"I think the dogs had yet to be given the needed drugs because they were new in the house. The child was bleeding all over the body. Some of us had to call the parents and also involve the police because no one could move near the wild pets."

It was further learnt that the bitten child, a four-year-old boy whose name was given as Isaac, was initially rushed to the General Hospital, Igando before he was referred to the Lagos State University Teaching Hospital, Ikeja for treatment after the assault.

While Isaac sustained injuries on the skull from the bites, his two elder siblings, whose names had yet to be ascertained, sustained injuries on the arms and legs.

The Lagos State Police Public Relations Officer, DSP Kenneth Nwosu, while confirming the arrest to PUNCH Metro,said the police had also taken the dogs for medical examination, to know whether they have rabies (a fatal dog's infection) or not.
He said,

"The incident was reported to the Igando Police Station, and the arrest was made. The dogs were to be taken by the police for medical examination to be sure they were not rabies infected. Meanwhile, the victims have also been taken to a hospital, and they are being treated at the moment."

At the Critical Care Unit of the LASUTH, where Isaac was rushed to on Wednesday afternoon, the father, Mr. Abraham, was said to have gone on an errand.
However, one of the nurses told said that the child might have been moved to the Surgical Emergency Section of the hospital for a more comprehensive treatment. -

This Watch Tells When You Will Die: Like Seriously, who wouldn't want this?

A new watch called Tikker claims to have created a way to calculate approximately when, according to its creators, a person is likely to die, and then to input that date into a wristwatch. The idea is that being constantly reminded of his or her own mortality will nudge the wearer to live life to the fullest.
“Tikker is a wrist watch that counts down your life from years to seconds, and motivates you to make the right choices,” the company, which is a Kickstarter-project-turned-real-thing, writes on its site. “Tikker will be there to remind you to make most of your life, and most importantly, to be happy.”
Happy, I tell you! Quick, you only have 57 years, 6 months, and 23 seconds left! Get happy, for Chrissake!
Tikker was created by Fredrik Colting, a 37-year-old Swede who previously gained notoriety by writing an unauthorized sequel to The Catcher in the Rye under the pseudonym John David California. J.D. Salinger sued Colting — his lawyers called the book a "rip-off pure and simple — and a judge blocked its publishing in the U.S.
If there’s one thing you can say about Colting’s newest venture, it’s that it’s definitely original. First, Tikker users fill out a questionnaire about their health habits, risk factors, and age. That information generates the time, down to the second, that the wearer has left until they leave this mortal coil.
Then, start the countdown! Just like on a time bomb majestic rocket ship blasting off to heaven.
The watch has helped the “Tikker team” create a bucket list, which includes items like, “Perpetually lay on a beach,” “Quit my job and watch every movie I always wished I had watched.” And of course, “Tell the girl at the coffee place that I love her.”
Hey, Coffee Place Girl, would you like to spend the next 473,354 hours with me? We’ll be watching old movies on the beach. Also, it's looking more like 60 hours now because I can no longer buy food since I quit my job.
It’s not an entirely bizarre idea, though. We tend to value things that are scarce, and death is, after all, a scarcity of life. Thinking about death can make us appreciate life more, and it can also make us into better people. For example, when researchers told subjects to imagine dying in an apartment fire, and then asked them a series of questions, the participants showed less greed, more spirituality, and more gratitude.
But if you’ll bear with me for a just a few of your remaining 28.4 million moments, there are a few caveats. Insurance and retirement companies already use “death clocks” that aim to calculate longevity, but there’s evidence that their estimates vary widely, even for the same individual, and there’s a 50 percent chance you’d outlive your deadline. There’s of course also a chance that, like Narcissus, you will become so distracted by your Tikker’s elegant beauty (or actuarial precision) that you’ll get hit by a bus.
And an idea called terror management theory suggests that because we fear death, and death is inevitable, we use self-esteem and positivity to cope with the crushing reality of our finite existence. So when we’re primed to think about death, we actually hew more closely to our pre-existing beliefs and behaviors. One study exposed smokers to warning labels centered on death — and the smokers with high self-esteem only thought more favorably of smoking after seeing the warnings.
The first Tikkers was ship in April. And while you can’t put a price on the icy breath of your impending demise, one watch will set you back $59.

Kim Kardashian Flaunts INSANE Cleavage

We really, really, really hope Kim Kardashian posted the following photos and caption with a smile on her face.

The reality star took to Instagram this week in order to flaunt some SERIOUS cleavage from an outfit she wore during Paris Fashion Week... only instead of pointing to the obvious in her attached message, Kim instead wrote the following:

#Lanvin #SmokeyEye #SleekHair #BronzyGlow.

Yes, Kim. Because we're all very focused on your eyes, hair and skin. That's exactly what you want us staring at here, right?

Kardashian has had an interesting week in France.

She and Kanye West were booed while attending a fashion show, while Kim was also attacked (TWICE!) by some idiot prankster who went after her on the red carpet.

West therefore upped the security for him and his family for the rest of their stay abroad.

Kardashian also dressed up just like her daughter and had her butt grabbed on Instagram by her husband, but that's pretty run of the mill stuff for her.

So is the posting of major cleavage pictures, of course, as you can see here:

Hollywood

Son Impregnates His Mother with Love Portion

We are living in strange times, of a truth. A 19-year-old boy identified as Abel who was recently promoted to SS3 in one of the secondary schools in Asaba, capital of Delta State, has allegedly put his own mother in the family way after he had a carnal knowledge with her few months ago.

The stupid boy, popularly called Ekenem, was said to have consulted a native doctor, who prepared a love charm for him to use on his mother and one of the matrons in the college where he is a boarding student.

Sources say the act committed by the boy still remains a misery to people in the area.

While crying out over what her son has done to her, the mother said: “I did not know how it all happened, but all I can say is that a young man who looked like my son suddenly found his way into my room at wee hours and I was speechless.” 

The confused woman said the whole exercise between she and her son had remained inexplicable. But the father of the house, who is a Port Harcourt based businessman, have reported their son to the police.

DSP Celestina Kalu, police public relations officer in the state, who confirmed the report, disclosed that the boy has been arrested over threat to life and other related acts, adding that the police were still investigating the circumstances of the pregnancy.

As it were, it was reliably gathered that the husband of the woman has been away for some time outside his Port Harcourt operational base, hence he s not responsible for his wife's pregnancy.

When it was discovered that the husband was not responsible for the pregnancy, the doctor who carried out the pregnancy test on her said, “upon completion of the pregnancy test, the suspect confided in him of the love charm that was used on the mother”.

Confessing at the police headquarters to journalists, the stupid son said:
“I am deeply sorry for all that has happened, I did not mean to do this. I saw myself falling in love with her after the love charm prepared for me. I have to confess because I know by so doing, God will touch her mind and I know she will forgive me. I suddenly found that I was making love to mum when I thought the charm will not work, and upon the revelation I threatened to kill her and the matter was reported to the police”, he said.

The husband is speechless, mother is crying, the son who did the thing is begging for forgiveness.

North West vs. Kim Kardashian Staring Contest: Who Wins? (Photo)

A photo like this comes a long only once in a blue moon, and we're not quite sure what to make of it. So we're leaving it up to you, Happiness Opara Blog Reader's to describe what the hell is going on here.

Kim and Kanye are in Paris for Fashion Week. While there, they took North West to a runway show, because forcing a one-year-old to appreciate haute couture makes perfect sense in Kimye Land.
The Wests had a rough week in the City of Light, what with Kim getting tackled and all. So here's a candid shot of mother and daughter winding down after a hard week of weird run-ins with Ukrainian comedians and Kanye getting booed by angry Frenchmen.

We don't know about you, but we feel like this pic begs for a judge to know who actually won in the staring contest between mum and daughter, so feel free to leave us one in the comments. We'll get you started:
"All black again, mom? Is this Fashion Week or a Nine Inch Nails concert?"
"Don't get any ideas, Nori. I'm way too famous for sagging and breast milk has a ton of calories, anyway."
"Did anyone ever tell you that when you pull your hair back like that you look like a villain in a Disney movie?'
"Ugh. Again with the leather jacket? You're gonna be dropping me off for school in 'cool mom' clothes until college, aren't you?"
"Sorry if the crying kept you up all night. You know how dad gets when he spills Moet on his leather sweatpants."

And so on...You get the idea! Help us get to the bottom of this epic mother-daughter stare down!