Love. It makes the world go 'round, right? Well, at least that's the
how the saying goes. But is it true? It should be, but so many people
confuse love with things like jealousy or possessiveness. True love
isn't either of those things. But these 16 things are.
So here are the characteristics of REAL love:
1. Love means letting go of expectations.
Sure,
we all want people to behave the way we want them to. We want them to
be more affectionate. Or more outgoing. Or smarter. Or more ambitious.
All of these things are expectations. Expectations are just your
requirements for "acceptability" of loving someone. But true love has no
expectations. It simply loves "as is."
2. Love doesn't play the victim role or blame others.
Love
doesn't think others are "out to get them." Love doesn't think their
loved ones are wrong. Love works together. It takes responsibility. It
forgives and allows other people's actions to be their journey. Love
doesn't take things personally.
3. Love includes letting go.
Love
doesn't equal possession. Just as the saying goes, "If you love
something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't,
then it never was." There is truth to that. Love allows people their
freedom. It doesn't hold tightly and crush their wings in attempt to
keep them. True love doesn't want to possess. It is willing to set you
free if you want to be.
4. Love doesn't require you to continue a relationship.
You
may love someone very much, but you may not be compatible with them. Or
they may drive you crazy with their continued disregard for your
feelings. You can still love them, but that doesn't mean you have to be
with them. Love doesn't mean that you have to stay, and stay and stay.
You can leave the relationship and love them anyway.
5. Love has no room for jealousy.
Like
possession, jealousy doesn't equal love. We think that if we're not
jealous of our loved ones that it means that we don't love them. True
love has confidence in the quality of the relationship. It knows that
the other person is happy and content coming back to you and only you.
6. Love is the absence of fear.
You
can put all emotions on a continuum. On one end, you have love. Then
appreciation. After that, it's joy, happiness, contentment and
satisfaction. On the opposite end of the continuum of love is fear.
Other fear-based emotions include, hatred, insecurity, jealousy or
greed.
7. Love is not needing and wanting.
One
of the things we try to teach kids is that there is a clear difference
between a want and a need. Needing someone is a feeling based in fear.
You fear that you can't live without them, so you need them. And
remember, fear is the opposite of love. Wanting someone in your life
gives them the freedom to leave, but still shows them you love them.
8. Love is an action, not just a feeling.
Humans
tend to be addicted to intense emotion -- especially when it feels
good. So, when we're in love, we want to feel that way forever. But
guess what? That higher than "Cloud 9" feeling goes away after a while.
That doesn't mean you don't love the other person anymore, it just means
that it's not new anymore. So that's where the action needs to kick in.
Show the person you love them. Don't just assume they know.
9. Love is unconditional.
The
word 'unconditional' means that there are no expectations or
limitations set. To love unconditionally is a difficult thing, and most
humans aren't good at that. But true love really does love without
trying to change the other person.
10. Love means putting other people's needs equal to -- or before -- your own.
While
people may be inherently selfish for survival purposes, this does not
serve us well in relationships. If you don't put other people's needs at
least equal to your own, they will grow resentful. Real love truly,
genuinely cares about other people's happiness and will go to great
lengths to make people feel valued.
11. Love is the highest vibration emotion that there is.
Science
has proven that emotions like love and fear have very different
vibrations. They can actually measure them. Love vibrates very fast,
whereas fear-based emotions (think jealousy, possessiveness, hatred,
greed, etc.) vibrate very slowly. When you love completely and
unconditionally, there is no fear involved. The vibrations of love make
you feel good at all times.
12. Love requires attention.
Love
doesn't ignore. It doesn't look the other way. It wants to be present
and be together. When people are in love, sometimes they think that they
don't have to "do any more work." But real love actually enjoys giving
attention to another person. It feels good, and doesn't see giving
attention to another person as a chore.
13. Love understands and accepts differences.
Let's
face it: We're all different. Even identical twins aren't exactly the
same. They have different experiences and outlooks about the world. Real
love doesn't make other people wrong for being different. When people
truly love another person, they accept their differences.
14. Love varies in how it is expressed and accepted.
What makes us "feel loved" varies. In the book
The Five Love Languages
by Gary Chapman, he explains the different ways people give and receive
love: (1) Words (2) Acts of Service, (3) Giving Gifts, (4) Spending
Time Together and (5) Touch. It's important to discover other people's
love language so you can understand each other and give love in a way
that the other person recognizes it.
15. Love makes you feel good, not bad.
Many
people confuse being in a relationship with love. Just because you're
in a relationship doesn't mean there is true love present. If there is
jealousy, possessiveness, constant fighting, abuse (verbal, emotional or
physical), that is not love. Refer back to #6. Those are fear-based
emotions and actions.
16. Love has empathy.
Empathy
is the ability to put yourself into another person's shoes and see a
situation from his/her point of view. Love has deep empathy. "When you
hurt, I hurt." People who truly love one another don't want to hurt
them. They want them to feel good. They care about their feelings and
try everything they can to make them feel valued and worthy.
Remember,
love is happiness, appreciation and feeling good. Anything other than
that is not love. If we all loved one another as ourselves, the world
would be a better place!