1. Desperados!These are the sort of girls that you find
at every party, in every bar or night club. And if you’re confused; here
are some pointers. They are wearing thick make up, chewing violently on
fake gums and standing ALONE clutching unto their little purses! So we
can already tell that they either don’t have cars or they didn’t come
with anybody they could trust enough to hold their bags. Desperados
don’t want to dance of course; except you have a striking age
resemblance with their dads back in the village or if you’ve got a tommy
to remind them of theirs’ before they got an abortion. But not dancing
doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate drinks!
‘Can I buy you a drink?’ “Of course”.
And while you do; she pretends to receive a call in front of a loud speaker!
Listen
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong in being bought a drink for; but
women who act as though they are entitled to a man’s wallet have got to
go! It’s unattractive and it’s downright classless!
2. Blackberry Beggars.How
a classy lady can turn from her ‘whatever’ attitude before you got her
PIN to posting sad and teary icons on her blackberry profile, beats me. I
mean come on girls; whatever happened to your pride? I know you’re
broke- but must the world know? Do you have to post all your problems to
the new dude?
But I trust my Naija guys to say-
‘Eeyaa! It shall be well!’
Jokes
apart; one thing is certain; if he helps you with some money, he does
so out of pity- which is not something you want a man dating you to feel
for you. He should feel respect for you; so please respect yourselves.
If a man starts giving you money immediately after meeting you, please
don’t go running to your gossipy friends 6 months later to tell them how
wicked men are. He’s just recouped his investment dividends for 6
months! And if you must tell them; please start such stories with how
greedy you were.
3. Gbabes:Granted that most of us
want girls who have Indian blood running in their veins; but we’re not
stupid enough to know that we can’t all have that. Gbabes are girls
whose hairs remind me of the psychiatric hospital opposite my church!
I
know you can’t all afford to wear the expensive lace wigs and Brazilian
hair that Omotola or Patience Jonathan wears- but why not thank God for
the Aba boys? They have made some extension braids and ‘Brazilian hair’
affordable for peanuts…
4. Unkempt Private Areas:*Hums*
“Sometimes I shave my legs sometimes I don’t’. That’s cool and all but
I’m going to need you to shave under your arms and the other place (you
know where.) I am not scared of using the P word but this is a family
friendly website- and I’m sure you get the gist. We may be bush men here
in Nigeria, but please give yourself an edge up by keeping it like a
well-manicured lawn rather than like a jungle safari in the middle of
Niger Delta!
5. Loud Mouths:Some girls know all
the lyrics of all the tracks in Terry G’s or Wizkid’s Album. I once
danced with a girl who took me through Timaya’s discography while
wearing a smile. She even knew what the upcoming tracks were! Now, don’t
get me wrong. It’s all good.
But what’s not good is that the
Naija guy, you’re dancing with or rapping at, has already formed an
opinion of you! You’re a loudmouth in his head. And you seriously can’t
fault him for this assumption.
What the average Nigerian who
wants to have something serious with you- thinks about is; “what will my
people say about this girl?”
Truth is; if I can’t bring you home
to momma we can’t roll. I can’t stand a woman whose every word is a
curse; motherf***er this, son of a —– that et cetera. Kindly have at
least; an ounce of class and act like a lady not an Obalende conductor!
Peace
out and love to Nigerian ladies, I think you’re all beautiful. These
observations are not meant to offend any of you; but a little dose of
‘keeping it real’ is always healthy.
